I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
