after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
