I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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