Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
