you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
