i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
