we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
