I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
