How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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