He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
