So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
