The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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