More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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