She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
