It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
