my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
