Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it's great music for shaving your balls
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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