The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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