I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
