he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
