I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
