i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have post one night stand depression
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
