If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
