WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
