Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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