Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
