Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
