are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
