He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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