I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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