New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
