Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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