we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
