Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
