She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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