Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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