turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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