Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
