i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
