Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
