I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He felt like a one man threesome
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
