Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
