You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
