Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
