Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
