Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
