ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
