sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
