We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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