god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
im on a boat
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