i think my mom watched the whole time
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
