pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
