so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
